Premonition

During the second week of bleeding, I was eventually diagnosed with a bacterial infection, and a course of antibiotics were prescribed as treatment. I was also told that they had ruled out cancer. I thought all of this was quite good news: a clear diagnosis and treatment plan, a much worse diagnosis ruled out. I figured that as soon as the antibiotics worked their magic, I'd start feeling better and the bleeding would stop. Things were looking up. 

Still, the antibiotics made me nauseous and I was worn down by all the bleeding. By the time the weekend rolled around, I was in need of rest. As a bonus, a dear cousin came to visit, and we spent a lovely day at my parents' farm. In the late afternoon, we went to the barn/yoga studio to make some art. I was ready to pour out the emotions of the last few weeks. I figured I would do a lot of angry scribbling in red, but what came out was a lot gentler than what I expected.

  Premonition , 6.5.10

Premonition, 6.5.10

It started with some rather subdued red scribbles, softened by water, and then found its way into even more gentle swirls, a fair distance from the anxiety of the bleeding. These calmer lines held the hint of the baby safely within the sac, secure in the womb. As I traveled down the page, I was able to take a deep breath again, and feel a deep sense of calm. Everyone kept telling me, the baby is fine, the baby is healthy, and I too could feel her well being. 

This drawing would also turn out to be a sort of premonition, but more about that later... 

Please excuse the quality of the scan of the drawing. The paper got creased, did not fit on the scanner, and provided other challenges. I think that I can probably address all the problems in photoshop, but that would take far more patience than I have today! 

 Day 20 of 31, 17 Cheshvan 5774