Children's Generosity

This morning we went to the birthday party of one of Gabe's friends at Purgatory Chasm in Sutton, Mass. About ten kids and some of their parents made our way through the rocky chasm. The kids were like goats climbing all over the place, the adults a lot more cautious and slow! The trees and their golden leaves were lit by bright sunshine, and the sky was a deep blue overhead.

After the hike, we all had lunch together, then homemade cupcakes, followed by the traditional opening of gifts. The kids were so dear in their gift giving. Each gift was thoughtful and personal, the givers were eager to give, and the birthday boy specific and articulate in his gratitude. As my mother would say, it did my heart good to watch these dear children treat each other with such kindness and generosity.

Baruch atah adonai eloheinu chey ha-olamim she'asa li kol tzorki. Blessed are You, the Generous, Our God, Life of All the Worlds, who acts for all my needs.

Blessed are You, the Loving One, Our God, who endows us with loving kindness and generosity.

Source

Feeling Blessed

A little ditty bubbled up as I dressed Asa this morning. It made him smile, and I kept singing it as I made our breakfast. By the time, I got into the car to drive to work, I was interested to discover how it might work with the blessings. Not bad, but probably not worth repeating.

The ditty moved at a fast tempo so I had plenty of time left to see what else was there, and what emerged with a long list of all the ways I am blessed.

I am so blessed by the sun that shines.

I am so blessed by the trees and their leaves.

I am so blessed by my sons' smiles.

I am so blessed by songs that burst forth.

Glorious Woods

Another gorgeous fall day with the maples in full glory. My drive to pick up Gabe from school was filled with brilliant oranges, reds, and yellows. And in the woods, there was beauty at every turn.

I set out on my walk in Caratunk at a fast clip because I was chilly. Before long, however, I stopped to watch a bird, and then another, and another and another until I realized that I was in the middle of a mixed-species feeding flock of maybe 20 birds, including some darling little kinglets. I was totally captivated! The birds seemed to be traveling along the same path I was walking so I slowed my pace to theirs and ambled along as they flitted from tree to bush. A woodpecker tapped out a rhythm, the nuthatch ran up and down a trunk making its distinctive call, the kinglets sang at a high pitch, and of course, the chickadees added their chicka-dee-dee-dee. 

I finally moved along ahead of the flock and made my way to Monument Rock where my heart always seems to be its most tender. Today the rock held me while I wept, overcome by a big wave of grief for my sweet Halia, who would have turned two around now. Up until now, I have not been willing to let that grief come at Caratunk where everything is so potent for me. Today when it came, I was still afraid but also willing, knowing that I would not drown in it.

On the ground by Monument Rock was an abandoned butterfly net with pinkish purple netting, such a girlie color that seemed to speak straight to my grief about my lost daughter. I picked it up and decided to carry it back to the parking lot, where its owner might be more likely to find it. Plus, it comforted me to have something to hold onto as I let tears fall, as I let each new wave break and dissolve some of the crusty places around my heart.

Taking photos, too, distracted me enough to keep going. Someday I will return to being present only to what is, instead of also to what I might write about or what I want to remember. Someday I will not need to cling to the beauty I see, someday I will again be able to be in these woods with a full and open heart, unafraid of just being. For now, I am grateful to be able to be there at all, grateful for my footsteps on the crunchy leaves, grateful for the smartphone that accompanies me like a well-loved blankie, making me feel a little more secure as I find the courage to put one foot in front of the other and live my life without my daughter.

And then the waves die down, the tears stop flowing, and I return to noticing the beauty all around me, to listen to the sounds of the flock that has caught up with me again. Their cheerful chatter makes me smile and suddenly my stride is lighter and easier again.

Baruch atah adonai eloheynu chey ha-olamim malbish arumim. Blessed are You, the Compassionate, Our God, who clothes the naked.

Blessed are You, the Source of Comfort, our God, who protects and contains us in our tender places.

Baruch atah adonai eloheynu chey ha-olamim hamechin mitzadey gaver. Blessed are You, the Way, Our God, who makes firm a person's footsteps.

Blessed are You, the Omnipresent, Our God, who is with us every step of the way.

Midway

Here on October 16, I am at the midpoint of these 31 days. The center of this journey.

This morning I awoke from two related nightmares, feeling vulnerable and in need of soothing. This morning's melody was not my own, but rather a song that I heard the synagogue choir practicing on Sunday: Shiru L'Adonai by Julie Silver. I was singing it as I got ready this morning, and I was pleased to find that the blessings fit quite well with the melody.


Shiru L'Adonai Baruch atah Adonai eloheinu chey ha'olamim roka ha'aretz al hamayyim. Sing, Blessed are You, the Fashioner, Our God, who stretches forth the earth upon the waters.

Shiru L'Adonai, Blessed are You, the Abiding One, Our God, who returns us to the dry land of a new day as we awaken from unconscious waters of our dreams.

Love

This morning the blessings dashed off quickly, bubbling up, released into the day.

From there, I spent some time with Elohai Neshamah and onwards into some prayers of my heart.

my mother, left, with her grandparents, Rose and Meyer Moscovitch, and her siblings Ruth and Ed, c. 1952

Once again, I invoked the grandmothers of my grandparents, grateful for their loving presence and wisdom.

Blessed are You, Loulie Howell, may I be a blessing to you. Your memory is a blessing to me. I am surrounded by your love.

Blessed are You, Esther Gittel Cohen, may I be a blessing to you. Your memory is a blessing to me. I am surrounded by your love.

Blessed are You, Ella Marshall Stimson, may I be a blessing to you. Your memory is a blessing to me. I am surrounded by your love.

Blessed are You, Zlota Weinstein Feit, may I be a blessing to you. Your memory is a blessing to me. I am surrounded by your love.

Blessed are You, Emma Clary Webb, may I be a blessing to you. Your memory is a blessing to me. I am surrounded by your love.

Blessed are You, Jachet Donner Breitowich, may I be a blessing to you. Your memory is a blessing to me. I am surrounded by your love.

Blessed are You, Anna Nicholson Gordon, may I be a blessing to you. Your memory is a blessing to me. I am surrounded by your love.

Blessed are You, Mariam Moscovitch, may I be a blessing to you. Your memory is a blessing to me. I am surrounded by your love.