I haven't managed to post them all yet, but I did write on each of the blogElul prompts except one: Forgive. It hasn't left me alone...I keep hearing the call, so I'll give it a try.
Some years big things happen, and there are obvious reasons I need to ask forgiveness or I need to forgive others (including God). This year, like most, it's the little things that have piled up. The small ways in the course of ongoing relationship that things are just off. Sometimes I nurse grudges, looking for evidence to support my viewpoint that I am somehow wronged or slighted. I let my warm regard turn a little cold or ugly, and I feel guilty about this unloving behavior. Other times I disengage, no longer trusting the relationship, no longer trying to remain connected.
The High Holidays give us a chance to think about these patterns, to try to change them, to reach out and engage in the work of relationship, or to let things go. Sometimes overtly and sometimes in unspoken ways, we might manage to make amends, find ways to change patterns, all the way acknowledging that, in most cases, we will also continue to disappoint each other and hurt each other and let each other down some of the time because that is what it means to be human. These are not the sins that we can put behind us easily. We can be compassionate with each other and ourselves. And we can continue to show up with the intent to be real and humble, to be willing to change, and to forgive and be forgiven.
#BlogElul 13 - Written on 9 Tishrei 5774