May 3, 2010 - Journal Entry

Yesterday, walking along the Runnins River, I see a dam made by a downed tree. Above it water collects with a layer of scum on top. I am a little revolted by the scum, but I also know it is probably full of life and eggs and good things. Below it, the water flows clear and bright.

How do I cling, holding back like a dam? How do I let flow? How do I embrace this pregnancy? How do I resist it? Is my growing belly more like the water above the dam or below it? Why do I feel like pregnancy is a form of holding? How will I handle what is to come? How will James and I handle it? How will my son handle it? Who is this who is joining our family?

Dear tiny one, growing inside: May you always know the embrace and security of this watery environment where you started. May this place that nurtures growth and meets all your needs be a place that you can always access within.

Dear self: May I too know that gentle source of being, the place where we all come from, and may I draw on it as I am present during this time. May I trust that the others in my family also have these resources.

I greet the changes in our world. I greet the changes in our little growing family. I acknowledge my fears. I feel the continuity of the generations. I draw on the wisdom of the ocean.

I delight in dynamic beauty. I soak in the brief glory of the cherry blossoms.

Many blessings in May!

Day 11 of 31, 7 Cheshvan 5774