#blogElul 19: ASK

We start out on our long drive home from vacation today and my toddler says, "cahkees." I think that he is commenting on his father's having just put the car keys in the car to start it. I say, "Yes, Abba has the car keys and he used them to start the car. Now we are going." 

He repeats, "cahkees, cahkees, cahkees." I make some more comments about the car keys. He continues to say, "cahkees, cahkees, cahkees."  Slowly I realize that he is not making an observation; he is asking for "cahkees." I tell him, "Abba has the car keys. He needs them to drive the car."

He responds, without any frustration but with a steady persistence, "Cahkees, cahkees, cahkees."  

I don't know exactly what changes, but finally it dawns on me that he is not asking for the car keys--he is asking for cookies! I reach over, find the bag of teddy grahams and give him a couple. He is satisfied. He has received what he was asking for! 

I too struggle with asking sometimes. It is hard to articulate my question or request. I do not always succeed in communicating clearly. I do not always receive the response I am looking for. Sometimes I get discouraged and stop asking.

Today, I am grateful for my toddler's example: be persistent, ask for what you want or need, continue to engage even when you are not succeeding at communicating, eventually things are likely to change. 

#BlogElul post for 19 Elul 5773

#BlogElul 18: PRAY

This Shabbat we pray under a blue sky dotted with puffy clouds. It is difficult to get started, to gather together, to find the right space, but in due time we begin with morning blessings.  

Allowing and inviting our bodies to be vessels of prayer, we imitate the Fountain of Blessings, we extend ourselves reaching to find connection, we let everything fall away in a moment of mystery, we turn along the path of infinity taking in the beauty of our surroundings, and we open to the heavens before touching our fingers to the ground beneath our feet. 

And when our meditation in motion has come to its close, we find a new place closer to the water where we share two prayer books and move our way through psalms and liturgy, expressing our gratitude, wonder, and hope, aware of the constant change on the water's surface, the track of the sun in the sky, and the voices of children at play in their own form of prayer. 

#BlogElul for 18 Elul 5773, Tuscarora Lake, NY   

#BlogElul 17: AWAKEN

I awaken this morning determined to take a morning swim. 

I lower myself into the water one rung at a time, water and air temperature about the same, sun warming my shoulders. As always, I let myself get used to the water slowly, paying attention to the process and to the anticipation of the moment when I must take a plunge, finding that there is no possibility of keeping it all gradual. 

Once in the water, I set off in a steady breaststroke, giving one word of the morning blessings to each stroke: 

Baruch...Atah...Adonai...Eloheynu...Chey...HaOlamim...Hama'avir...Shenah...Me'eynay...Utnamah...Me'afapay...Blessed...are You...the Awakener...our God...Life...of all the Worlds...who removes...sleep...from my eyes...and slumber...from my eyelids.

And so on through the 15 blessings of the liturgy. 

I am particularly aware of how different "roka ha-aretz al hamayim" (who stretches forth the earth upon the waters) is in water rather than on land. And I am amused by "hamechin mitzadey gaver" (who makes firm a person's steps) as I kick my feet. 

Midway through I flip onto my back and continue with a backstroke -- one word per each arm's stroke -- while I watch prisms of light glitter in the water droplets I stir up, mesmerized by the ever-changing clouds overhead.

I am so blessed to awaken in this manner! 

#BlogElul for 17 Elul 5773  

#blogElul 16: CHANGE

Today change sounds like freedom to me, a chance to let go of what is not serving me well, a chance at new ways of being.  

I feel both excited and afraid about the change lying ahead for me in this upcoming year, changes I have already put in motion. 

And I also feel nervous about the changes I know I want to make but don't know how.

I turn to the serenity prayer:  

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

knowing that it is so circular: one of the things I need the courage to change is my attitude towards the things I cannot change.

Ever Changing Clouds

Baruch atah adonai eloheynu chey ha-olamim matir asurim

Blessed are You, the Redeemer, Our God, Life of all the Worlds, who makes the captive free, who nudges us out of tight places.

#BlogElul  for 16 Elul 5773

#blogElul 15: LEARN

A subtle rising moon marks the end of this day. 

What did I learn today?

In vacation mode, I am not trying to learn but what I noticed today is just how hard it is to let go of worry and tension. I notice with some astonishment how many of my dreams are filled with anxiety and worry about things to be done. I wonder about why that is and rather than trying to find an answer, I pause to take a breath and acknowledge the stress that I carry with me, acknowledge the unwinding process, and try to give myself permission to be however I am. 

With every day I learn more about how to be as I am. 

#BlogElul for 15 Elul 5773