#blogElul 25: BEGIN

Today is the 25th anniversary of my appendectomy. I came down with appendicitis the night before, on the fourth day of college orientation, and at the time an appendectomy was major surgery. Quite the dramatic beginning to my college career!

A few days after surgery

From this distance, I look back at the appendectomy as a good story, a big event in my life, but not a hardship. My grandfather's cousin Emily and her husband Ed hosted me while I recovered, and we formed a strong bond. How I adored Emily, and how grateful I am for her friendship and love.

I was able to return to college a few weeks later, and I had a great first semester. I had to give myself plenty of time to recover, which ended up making the semester a lot more relaxed than it probably would have been otherwise.

I learned a lot from the experience, especially about pain and the recovery process. I still consider the pain of the morning of August 31, 1988 to be the worst I have ever experienced, but it taught me that I could trust my body to help me manage pain. Those lessons gave me courage for childbirth, and I think it was a big part of why I had such a wonderful birth experience with my older son.

Recovering my health was tough at times but it was also a joyful process. I remember how delighted I was when I could run and skip again! And it taught me not to take my health and mobility for granted. 

I woke up this morning thinking about how I would write about "Begin" from the perspective of the sense of beginning I bring to the upcoming new year. I have lots of plans and hopes, just as I had 25 years ago. These memories of my appendectomy are a good reminder that life takes unexpected turns, and while plans and expectations are great, what I want most is to be open to the gifts of whatever presents itself.

 The Road Ahead, 8/11/07

#blogElul 24: END

We are coming to the end of summer. My older son hasn't yet gone back to school, but most other kids have. A few leaves are starting to turn or fall, the days are growing noticeably shorter, and I'm back to wearing sweaters. I searched my toddler's drawer for pants this morning, and found that he had outgrown half of them. After all, he hasn't really worn pants in the last three months.

Meanwhile, though, it is still summer. We will go to the beach this weekend and play in the sand and water. We will eat juicy peaches and flavorful tomatoes, savoring the bounty of this season. We will listen to the hum in the trees during the day and the chorus of crickets in the evening. We will relax into a leisurely pace for a few more days, grateful for each day of warmth and fullness.

#BlogElul for 24 Elul 5773 

#blogElul 23: LOVE

No immediate inspiration came to me about "love," until I decided to think about Ahavah, a Hebrew word for love.

I start with the "Ahavah Rabah" prayer: With an abounding love, you love us, Nurturer, our God;....place into our hearts ability to understand, to see, to hear, to learn, to teach, to keep, to do, and to uphold with love all that we study of your Torah. *

I remembered the first line about abounding love, but I hadn't really taken in the mention of love in the last line. What a beautiful notion: to uphold  with love all that we study of your Torah.

Uphold with love. Words to live by. 

I went on to browse more on topic, by googling "ahavah," and I found out that there are three commandments in the Torah about love: 

"Love your neighbor as yourself"(Leviticus 19:18);

"Love the stranger as yourself" (Leviticus 19:34);

and "You must love Adonai, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might." (Deuteronomy 6:4).

Quite the trio!  I plan on holding them close through the Days of Awe.

Meanwhile, I cannot resist including this photo of two of my most beloved ones, showing their love for each other and decked out in red no less!

*Translation from Kol HaNeshamah , 2009.

Sources: Rabbi Julian Sinclair at Jewish Chronicle online and Judaism 101)

 #BlogElul for 23 Elul 5773

#blogElul 22: DARE

My boys and I watched Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech today to mark the 50th anniversary. It is as moving as ever.

Photo by Bob Adelman

I went to the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Elementary School for Kindergarten, 1st and 3rd grade. We had the most marvelous music teacher there, Mrs. Bailey, who organized an annual celebration of Dr. King's birthday (long before the national holiday). When I was in 3rd grade, I was one of the children who read a narrative of Dr. King's life along with excerpts from his speeches. I don't remember exactly what part I read, but I do know that the lines from the "I Have a Dream" speech were indelibly etched in my mind.

My third grade class was also obsessed with singing "My Country 'Tis of Thee," and Mrs. Bailey indulged us by letting us sing it over and over and over again. Hearing Dr. King recite those lyrics as part of the speech today brought me right back to Mrs. Bailey's classroom and to our sweet voices belting out "Let Freedom Ring!"

How does this connect to "dare?" I have mulled that question all day. Clearly it is daring to dream a dream the size of Dr. King's. And, on the other hand, it is a dream that children quite naturally live out. I remember it from my experience at MLK School, and I see it in my work at a preschool. 

Maybe that is how I wish to dare: to do things that take courage and that deep down are so clearly linked to truth that the path is easy to follow. 

#BlogElul for 22 Elul 5773

#blogElul 21: CHANGE AGAIN

I spent last night stewing a little over yesterday's post. I woke up wondering if I should plan to write on "judge" some more. It feels like such a tight place, something worth paying attention to.

The feelings that "judge" stirred up also made me wonder, Do I ever get anywhere at all? Learning to live with my overactive inner critic was a big feature of my personal growth in my 30s. As part of that process, I wrestled with these themes often during my year of collages in 2007. Yesterday's post featured two of those collages, and they felt as relevant to me now as when I made them.

So, it was with some delight this morning, that I found that today's word is a repeat. Not only that, but the repeated word is "Change." Change is the only constant, and yet I often find myself frustrated by how hard it is to change. I am approaching this Elul and the upcoming year with a very clear intention to change. The repeat of "Change" feels like a welcome affirmation that there is plenty of space for change and all its accompanying challenges.

Ever Changing Water

#BlogElul for 21 Elul 5773