#blogElul 9: HEAR

Today's prompt inspires me to find a sound meditation that I know and love. I learned it from Rabbi Shefa Gold's book Torah Journeys*,  and she in turn credits Pauline Oliveras. The meditation calls on us to hear sounds, and rather than identifying or interpreting, just listen. Notice qualities such as pitch, rhythm, resonance, and place in space. Hear whatever the sound offers.  Allow the sounds to be. 

This evening, most of the sounds are lovely summer sounds of crickets and other insects that make up "the summer chorus." As I listen, I slowly hear more and more nuances within that chorus. The different layers begin to separate from each other and my focus travels from one to another. Different tones, rhythms, distances, density. Some continuous and steady, some with rising and falling trilling, others rhythmic with longer pauses than soundings.

Human sounds are also in the picture. A steady thrum of nearby ice factory is an underlayer to the chorus. I am listening so intently to the spectrum of sound in that thrum that I am startled when I hear it change, adding a new element, more airy and metallic. It almost seems to be breathing, the sound coming and going with currents of air.

Another set of sounds come from within the house, more staccato and sporadic, some with great resonance until they are no more. 

And then the meditation time comes to a close with the ringing sound of a bell, clear and high. I listen until I cannot hear its vibration any longer. 

*Rabbi Shefa Gold, Torah Journeys, p. 69.

#BlogElul  9 Elul 5773

#blogElul 8: BELIEVE

I got to spend a beautiful morning outside today. Under a deep blue sky, surrendering to the rhythms of a toddler eager to explore, I pondered today's prompt: "believe."  

I used to spend time thinking about what I believe when NPR regularly ran the "This I Believe" series. I found many of those essays compelling and moving, and I wondered what I would write or say on the topic. The only thing I ever came up with was, "I Believe in Beauty." 

That's all I had: "I believe in beauty." Nothing about why or how or what it means. It's just something I know: I believe in beauty.  Beauty moves me, it stirs my soul, it soothes me, it raises my spirits, it focuses my attention. Beauty is deeply satisfying and nourishing. I don't know why it is so important to me but I know it is.

I have also contemplated how I define beauty. For the most part, I know it when I sense it, and it's somewhat fluid. My perception of something or someone can change as I get to know it, sometimes based on criteria that do not have to do with aesthetics. For example, I have an uneasy reaction to purple lustrife, an outwardly lovely plant, that is a terribly invasive species. For the most part, I seem to have taught myself not to see its beauty.

Sometimes, I consciously challenge myself to find beauty in what at first glance appears ugly or unappealing to me. I think it's a way of not being so quick to judge, of allowing myself to expand my perception, my standards. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

So today, I played with some images of the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful. I realized that in addition to believing in beauty, I also have a strong belief in curiosity and exploration. Perhaps this coming year will be an opportunity to explore why "I Believe in Beauty" and even to attempt to write that essay.

 #BlogElul 8 Elul 5773

#blogElul 7: BE

Words about "be" are not flowing for me today.

There was a spectacular sunset this evening and I tried to photograph it and draw it, but there was no way to come close to capturing its glory.

My favorite bracelet just broke sending beads all over the place, and leaving me feeling like I just lost my security blanket. It's very tempting to think about the scattering of the bracelet as a metaphor, but nothing is really coming of that metaphor.

 So, I guess that's my "be" post. Nothing formed. Nothing profound. Just being here today in this practice, however it is.

#BlogElul for 7 Elul 5773 

#blogElul 6: DO

Often, I think of 'do' and 'busy' as negatives -- "I am so busy," I complain. "I have too much to do." Meanwhile, I often use those same terms to describe my toddler -- "He's very busy," I'll say, or "He's doing all sorts of things. It's so amazing!" 

The quietest time in my day today was when I was with him outside in the late afternoon. All I had to do was watch him, and as always he was very busy -- climbing, swinging, sliding, "mowing," and watching intently. It is such a pleasure to get to pause and observe what he is up to.

I too was busy today in a good way. I woke up this morning brimming with ideas for my sabbatical, and I sat down briefly to scribble some lists on the back of a calendar. After weeks of letting things swirl in my head, it was energizing to let things take a little form. 

I also plugged away at today's to do lists, and I was lucky to have plenty of uninterrupted time to get things done, to cross things off. Doing can be so satisfying.

 #BlogElul for 6 Elul 5773

#blogElul 5: KNOW

What do I know? More and more but also less and less...

...I know that time seems to be speeding up. 

...I know that these days with my sons are precious. 

...I know that these days with my parents are precious. 

...I know that I miss my grandparents, especially in the summer. 

...I know that I have seen little of the world. 

...I know that I am an incredibly fortunate person, blessed with many types of wealth.

...I know that I crave solitude, silence, order, and calm. 

...I know that I overflow with interests, ideas, and projects. 

...I know that life is full of paradox and it is possible to hold opposites. 

...I know that I am deeply in love with Judaism. 

...I know that the word "God" is still uncomfortable to me but hundreds of other names have helped me find words for my experience of God. 

...I know that "Be still and KNOW that I am God" (Psalm 46) is one of my favorite lines for meditation. 

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Be Still and Know that I am God. 

Be Still and Know that I am. 

Be Still and Know. 

Be Still. 

Be. 

#BlogElul for 5 Elul 5773